We live in a society where it is only through titles that we get valued. Sometimes we ourselves use these titles to define ourselves. We want to be identified by these titles that we believe accord us a certain level of respect or acknowledgement.
The need to conform to titles is everywhere. Getting a job opportunity requires you to state your titles so that the interviewer can qualify us. We introduce ourselves using our titles, we excuse ourselves from reaching our full potential because the title placed on us limits what we can and cannot do.
Titles are good but as a plus to who you really are. I know mothers who don’t like being referred to as Mama x (inert name) before they are identified by their names. I always thought it meant they did not want to be associated with old age but I get it now. They simply want to be recognised as women who have taken up the role to be mothers.
In the same way, sometimes we let titles limit us from realising who we truly are without those titles. A great example is when asked who are you? Or Introduce yourself to me? If you are like me (me before realising the impact titles have on my life) your first statement would start by putting it out that you have this title. We often leave out the things that make us unique. The unique thing could be resilience, grace, being outspoken, strong-willed or jovial.
I believe that it is this constant expectation that we ought to have titles so that we can fit into a box, that we find ourselves not knowing how to describe ourselves outside these titles. Who would have thought we were placed on this earth to conform? We sometimes get too busy pushing and working for titles that will help us fit in spaces that are viewed with prestige or according to some level of respect and trade it for working towards creating a balance between achieving titles and being self-aware.
The title ‘single’ for example should not be among the first things you use to describe yourself. Once you identify as a single parent, the stress is on the fact that you are alone and parenting. That you are parenting despite being alone. It distances the fact that you are actually doing the parenting, once you view it as single parenting, the parenting is secondary to the fact that you are doing it by yourself. Rearrange that to read as a parent who is raising a child by herself or himself. It makes such a huge difference. It particularly makes it known that you are not letting the fact that you are parenting by yourself take away from the truth that you are doing it and probably even doing it so well.
This just goes to show how sometimes the way we frame our ideas and thoughts are often tied to what society expects of us. We all know that words are powerful and so dropping a title and replacing it with something that identifies us and our worth more could be what we need to shed the unnecessary titles.
LIMITING OUR CIRCLE
Before I joined the entertainment industry(check out our YouTube channel ‘Carbon Shades’ and subscribe if you haven’t already), my circle for a while consisted of people who were studying the same thing I was. I came to realise that taking on a professional title and identifying solely by it can make you miss out on seeing life through a different lens. That different line of thought you could get by listening to a photographer, entrepreneur, engineer, nutritionist or psychologist might be just what you need to discover your true path or another thing to be passionate about. The society we live in is strategic and intentional at distancing people through professions in order to foster capitalism and what this means is that we have to equally be intentional to ensure that we are not limiting our circle strictly to those who do what we do.
INADEQUACY
Titles could make us feel very inadequate. Imagine the title you identify with ceases to exist. Say for example you were a lawyer but due to one thing or another hour name is struck off the roll. What do you do without that title? Who are you without that title? Is there more to you other than that qualification you had? This is just to say that we should not attach our entire worth to a title but instead find a way to know ourselves better (strengths and flaws) and see how we can develop ourselves while performing what is required of us in the titles we have.
Inadequacy could also take the form of you not having enough titles to make you feel worthy. Say you are yet to finish your studies, graduate or be admitted as a professional in whatever field. Does this mean that before you achieve these things, you are without worth? Does your worth come with that degree? See how we are being so hard on ourselves?
TRYING TO CORRECT THE PAST
We sometimes want to fix everything and sometimes this may mean that you feel that a title could fix that. A quick example; you grew up in a single-parent home and you felt there was something you missed out on. Since you are intent on fixing and trying to avoid a repeat of your childhood, you go for the title that comes with marriage. While it may come from a good place, your resolve to get that title and even stay in that union is flawed. I say this with good intention because my hope is that in future I will be blessed enough to raise my children together with a companion but I also know myself enough to say that I am not at that place where I am over the need to fix the past. For me, that is a great place to start. Acknowledging it. Currently, WHY is a question I feel I need to ask myself more.
Two hard questions to ask yourself
1. Who are you?
Write your response down and then take away all the titles from your answer and see what you have left. See what you left out because titles are all that came to your head or because titles crowded that response.
2. Why do you need a title?
Why do you want to become a neurosurgeon, why do you want to become a mother? Why do you want the position of Senior Partner?
Answering this may make you come to a realisation that you are not living the life you should be living. Your parents might be living the life they would have wanted through you. If you are from an African home you can relate. This is not to say that you should quit on something you have put in years of hard work, sweat, tears and sometimes blood. You cannot deny that it came from a good place and that it has been a path that has grown you and developed your qualities as an individual in one way or another. It is never too late to do what makes you happy and I believe you are better placed in that you have a fall back title you can use to survive this capitalist society which is intent on keeping the young people away from opportunities.
The same goes for those who had supportive parents but were also pulled in to the need to conform. This does not mean that you have to start all over again. All you need to do is find out what makes you happy, what makes you feel your heart is full. Use that title you have to do something extra that will bring you complete satisfaction.
This is in no way a post to give room for complacency when it comes to the responsibilities we have that are accorded to us because of the titles we hold. For all those politicians (please read in Bold and CAPS) and professionals who we rely so much on for our well-being who are reading this, please go back and read the previous statement again. If anything, use your title to nature the strong qualities you possess so that everyone wins at the end of the day.
To learning and growing.
Love,
Sabali