A Friend gifts you a purse, a pair of shoes or pays you a compliment. What is your first response? Is it internally questioning yourself why you are being gifted? Is it trying to think of how long and how much it would take for you to gift back? Is it to refuse the gift and say that they shouldn’t have gifted you? If it was a compliment paid to you, do you quickly point out something flawed about yourself or deflect and compliment them instead? If this is you, then you might want to read this post and find out how you can be better at receiving.
Receiving is a blessing that comes from giving. You might be giving off positivity and positivity is returned to you through gifts that may take various forms. It may be a gift that comes in the form of a material item, a job opportunity, a compliment and even being acknowledged. We give so many times through our lives and we even enjoy it. Then why is it that we go wrong when receiving? Why do we get so uncomfortable and even vulnerable when people acknowledge all the effort we have put in? Why do we always say that we want to receive but then get so awkward about it when it happens?
1. Feeling we are unworthy or undeserving of receiving
Nobody taught us how to receive. All the time was spent on teaching us how to be givers and the problem with this is that we find ourselves undeserving of recognition that comes in any form. We feel vulnerable when people publicly acknowledge us and what we have done. It is almost as if we don’t want to be on the spot.
Someone compliments you about your outfit and you are quick to point out how cheap you got it for at a thrift store and that you have had it for 5 years. You may even be extra and shift to paying the other party a compliment so that the attention shifts from you.
There is this new position that you would be qualified for and when your colleagues encourage you to go for it because you are not trained to receive recognition and encouragement, you shrink yourself and even suggest that someone else sends their application.
Imagine how bad it gets when it comes to gifting ourselves. We feel guilty for rewarding ourselves a lot of times and even deny ourselves of some of the most important gifts such as time. We rarely take time out of our day to just be with ourselves and just collect our thoughts. If we are lacking in terms of gifting ourselves, then it will definitely show when we receive gifts from others.
We water down gifts we get with statements such as don’t mention it, you shouldn’t have. We make it an extreme sport for people to gift us and in the long run, people get tired of getting these responses and may decide to stop gifting us.
2. Fake modesty
‘You shouldn’t have’ is top on this list. Sometimes we just say it without paying too much thought but what those three words mean is that you are not comfortable with receiving.
3. The constant need to be in control
This need to always know everyone’s next move is real! We are busy trying to plan two steps ahead and then BAM! Someone comes out of the blue and gifts us when we least expect it. Some of the gifts we receive are without merit and our need to control everything will push us to think that it would only be right to gift back while missing out on enjoying that moment when someone thought so fondly of you they saw it right to gift you.
LEARNING
We need to learn to receive gifts and receive them gracefully. Once you make receiving something normal and welcomed, you open yourself up to so many more gifts and that is the level I am trying to be on for sure. We need to receive those gifts and use them. If someone sends you a job posting and they believe in you and you are qualified for you, then send your application immediately. You never know what may happen and even when you do not get called for it, the fact that you received that acknowledgement will not only boost your esteem going forward but open you up to even bigger opportunities.
We need to learn to say thank you and end it there. Don’t add but to it. Do not change the topic immediately after someone gifts you. You have to be intentional about it because sometimes when people gift us by surprise we end up watering it down so much we come off as unappreciative.
We need to embrace gifting ourselves. At the end of the day, you are all you’ve got. Gift yourself within your capacity. Gift yourself with rest, solitude and with love. We are oftentimes too hard on ourselves and deny ourselves gifts that money cannot buy.
UNLEARNING
We need to unlearn that gifts are only to be shared during occasions marked on our calendars. Gift someone just because they deserve it. Gift someone even when it is not their birthday. Gift yourself that weekend because you deserve time to rest and fuel your spirit.
We need to unlearn that we are only givers and should expect nothing in return. We now know better and we must do better. You deserve to receive gifts. You spent all that time and energy looking for a matching outfit, did your hair and nails and now you do not want to be acknowledged for it? Why? Take in all those gifts because you deserve them all!
We need to unlearn the fact that we need to gift back. This is in no way saying that you stop giving because it is only through giving that we receive. What I am trying to say is that we should let go of the notion that those who gift us want something in return. If the transaction was give as you receive then just imagine how much you owe your creator for the gift of life, health, peace, family and friends. Most of our gifts are not accorded to us by merit. We are gifted just because which is so beautiful.
To learning and unlearning.
Love,
Sabali
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