The past few years for me have been challenging because of the number of things I had to unlearn. While it was an uncomfortable thing (accepting that I was wrong is hard for me), I am glad that I gave myself a chance to grow and learn so much in the process.
One of the most important lessons has been on practising self-care as a practice instead of an event. In the past, taking care of myself would be something I could sort out at the salon. All I needed to do was get my hair and nails done. I had not opened myself up to the limitless options there were in terms of taking care of myself.
I was not fulfilled with just these acts of pampering myself and I would feel depleted and very irritable. I had not yet made the choice to tender to my mind as much as I did my body. This is where it all changed for me.
I realized that I needed to fill my cup before I poured into others. This not only helped others know how much I valued my time and space but also helped me learn so much about myself.
Self-care is now something that involves all of my senses and requires me to be fully present.
I must admit, finding what works for me is still a journey I am on but every day is a new opportunity for me to learn. I journal on some days (I want to do better in 2019), I go out to my balcony and just take deep breaths on others, on some days it could be as simple as taking a hot shower (you know the level of hot I am talking about ladies) and sometimes I listen to some inspiring music or podcasts depending on my mood and the day I had. I strive to do at least one special thing for myself each day. I have found it to make me feel more relaxed and I sleep so soundly for the few hours that I have.
The most interesting thing about self-care is that it looks different on all of us. Some have specific activities that they must do while some just go with the mood the day presents. It could look like ringing a long lost friend or spending time with family. The key is to find something that works for you. After this step is complete, then comes the hard part.
Execution!
How do you make sure that you don’t just practice self-care on bad days? Sometimes self-sabotage creeps in and makes us feel like we can postpone taking care of ourselves. Execution requires commitment and intention. Once you enjoy the benefits of taking care of yourself, you will know the importance of carving out a few minutes of your day to just tend to your physical, emotional and mental needs.
Execution requires planning. A guide I use involves asking myself 5 questions that I will share with you.
1. WHO
2. WHAT
3. WHEN
4. WHERE
5. HOW
These 5 questions have guided me a lot. I’ll explain all of them.
1. WHO
How hard would it be to stay consistent while practising self-care all by yourself? You need someone who you can share your experience with. They do not need to be there every day but having someone to hold you accountable is so important. An accountability partner can help you by reminding you to take care of yourself (on those days when one episode leads you to watching an entire season). Such a partner has to understand how important it is for you to stay on course and it would be an added advantage if they too are committed to a self-care practice of their own.
2. WHAT
I used to ask myself this question a lot. What to do. Sometimes I am not in the mood to listen to music or any of my fav podcasts and I get confused about what I could do at the end of my day to just feel better (this is on those days that cannot be fixed by spending an hour in the shower). I decided to write a list of things that I love to do which relax me and I go back to it whenever I am confused about what to do.
Something I learnt along the way was that I had to choose activities that are within my means if I want to be consistent. You do not have to break the bank to take care of yourself. Living within your means with the choice of activities you go for also helps you view taking care of yourself as a stress-free activity rather than a chore or something you need to sacrifice your inner peace for.
3. WHEN
Timing is everything! While there is no time to practice self-care, it is advisable to find some time when you are not stressing about other things and when you don’t have to constantly look at the time. I also feel that it is harder to practice self-care when I am very tired. This is all about what time works best for you. My personal experience is sometimes, I find it easier to do during my lunch break and in the evening if I did not have such an involving day. Morning hours are hard for me because getting out of bed is a struggle and after that part is done, I have my nappy hair to deal with and preparing my packing my lunch.
4. WHERE
This is all about location. Let it be a safe space that is peaceful. It also has to be easily accessible. Location is very important because your scenery can change your mood. Think about enjoying all the gifts that nature has to offer while relaxing under a shade. Just the thought of it is therapeutic.
5. HOW
How will you make sure that you follow through with treating self-care as a practice and not just an event? I earlier mentioned an accountability partner and I also want to introduce self- discipline which is a craft I continue to learn each day. Just seeing how positive and productive you get when you take time to just relax will drive you to be consistent with it.
There is so much that is required of us at times and sometimes we feel that there is not enough time for ourselves. We get caught up with things happening on the internet, at work and sometimes neglect taking care of ourselves.
I have found these 5 questions very helpful in helping me stay the course and I hope they help you as well.
What are your ways of ensuring that you take care of yourself? I would love to know. Kindly share with me in the comment section.
To learning and unlearning.
Love,
Sabali