Forgiving others comes easy. Sometimes we even feel guilty for being mad at those who have wronged us. Why then is it hard to extend the same grace to yourself.? Why do you continue to punish yourself because of mistakes you made?
I recently realized I am not big on forgiving myself and this has made me question a whole lot!
I had to question why it was hard for me to accept that I was human and why I thought I needed to be perfect.
Forgiveness involves compassion and grace, virtues I am learning I need to cultivate more. I can only imagine how peaceful it would be without holding in all my shortcomings.
Forgiveness of self is a choice, one not easily made if you don't love yourself. As I grow in love with myself, I now identify with not being so hard on myself and this is an interesting journey.
Getting rid of shame
There is a lot of shame attached to failure and this is why we are scared to fail. We are more likely to dwell in our failures than learn from it because of the pressure to deliver results. The unmet expectations make us feel unworthy of love, support and another chance, Sometimes we don't even get a do-over. This makes it is so easy for us to beat ourselves up over the mistakes we make.
The plan is to master separating shame from failure. I now have to believe that I will mess up, make mistakes and fail. However, this doesn't mean stop or quit. I believe that by taking the shame out of failure, I will not feel that failing leaves a stain on me. I will not feel the need to always hold it over my head.
Forgiveness is a form of self-care
Learning to forgive myself has been one of the best ways I have found to take care of myself. With forgiveness comes the freedom to just be. Once I got over the need to always be right and doing what was required of me by people, it became so easy to forgive myself. I am now learning how freeing it is to just focus on improving because I am my biggest critic. I find that keeping my mind occupied on improving my skills, learning more about myself, helps keep the negative thoughts associated with guilt and shame away.
A self-esteem boost
People who are kinder to themselves are not only more physically attractive but their esteem is always high up. Forgiving yourself comes with the lifting of unnecessary baggage. There is truly some positive vibe that comes with forgiving yourself. You see yourself in a positive light, you can see new opportunities clearer and you are more open to receiving love.
Accountability
Yup! Imagine that!
Forgiving yourself helps you become more accountable to yourself and others. You can now acknowledge how a situation made you feel and evaluate your reaction. Most of the time, you will find that your reaction was valid. If it was not, then that means you can now see where you went wrong, apologize and work on doing better.
Setting an example for others
Forgiving yourself helps others know that you have acknowledged that you are not free of blame and mistake. It helps when people don't expect perfection from you. It also sets the pace of how people treat you. If you are graceful to yourself, then people will be more open to according you grace.
You become more accepting of others
Forgiving yourself will help you realize that no one is perfect. The same grace you give yourself will easily be extended to those around you. You will be less critical of your friends and those in your circle because like you, they too deserve to be happy and free of guilt and shame.
You deserve it
We deserve good things. We deserve to feel weightless in a world that is always finding a way to burden us more. We deserve to feel that failure is not the end of life. We deserve to allow ourselves to be kind to our bodies and souls. We are worthy of peace and hope. We are allowed o grow, change our stand on things, make mistakes, live and just be ourselves.
These are just some of the reasons why I feel forgiveness is so important. Please feel free to share with me on what other benefits come as a result of forgiving yourself.
In the spirit of accountability and taking care of my mental health, I have to forgive myself for the things that are holding me back from being the best version of myself. I made a list in my journal that I will share with you I read them out and take note of what I need to work on.
I forgive myself for comparing myself to others
I forgive myself for not trusting my gut.
I forgive myself for not believing in myself.
I forgive myself for not setting healthy boundaries for myself.
I forgive myself for having unhealthy coping mechanisms.
I forgive myself for holding on to shame, disappointment and anger.
I forgive myself for all the negative things I tell myself.
I forgive myself for not loving myself enough.
I forgive myself for feeling that I need to please others at my expense.
I forgive myself for believing I needed to be perfect.
I forgive myself for not going after the things I should have.
I forgive myself because I deserve it!
How to go about forgiving yourself
1. Self Understanding
This is a process. Every new day comes with more revelations about yourself. Knowing your strengths, weaknesses and limits will help you know how to ensure your environment is one that allows you to be at peace. It will be aware that you need not compare yourself and your journey to others.
2. Accountability
You are the one to hold accountable for your thoughts and how you treat yourself. Be careful and intentional about what you feed your mind and heart. Strive to be kinder to yourself and stop yourself from thinking negative thoughts and even inflicting physical pain on yourself.
Do things that will make you feel more comfortable and happy with yourself. Go out there and do it! Do it alone if you have to. Be accountable in bringing yourself joy. Avoid self-sabotaging behaviour. Go after that job, that connection that will better you and that friend who you feel will bring more positive vibes to you.
Do things that make you happy and let those be the highlight of your day. It is obvious that the thoughts you put most of your energy into will manifest in your mood, reaction and health. Do more of what you love. Most of the times, we feel that we do not have any time to ourselves but deep down we know of some 30 minutes we spent doing something that was not really important, that would be better spent engaging with ourselves more.
My hope is to learn how to relax in the fact that I am human and that I owe perfection to no man. This year I want to do more forgiving of myself and learning how to catch myself in negative thoughts and talk. I plan to counter this with positive affirmations that bring me joy and calm.
To forgiving ourselves and healing.
Love,
Sabali
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