What if we didn't wait for challenges to learn skills as important as resilience, patience, surrender, silence and courage? What if we had these skills in our toolbox before the challenges came our way? Would it be easier for us? Would we be more willing to go through challenging phases instead of waiting for them to pass? Would we be better placed to deal?
After struggling with the belief that life was happening to me for some time, I realized these thoughts were affecting the way I viewed life. I found that I was fighting my power to control most of the things that were within my control. I viewed challenges as tests out to put me down or slow my growth process. I was wrong.
I had to take some time out to just see why it was I seemed to be going back to these unproductive phases and I realized that there were lessons I was avoiding and life would only give me what I put out. I didn't know that by avoiding the areas in my life I felt were challenging, all I was communicating was lack and impatience.
Seeds were planted
I am grateful for all the people that have planted seeds in my life. I haven't met most of them but their impact has been so instrumental to my realization of just how much is within my control. I came across information on how people were taking on challenges and pushing themselves to improve their health, wellness and financial wellbeing. I saw someone share on how they had to take a break from social media to focus on writing a book and another challenge themselves to limit how much they spent so that they could buy something they wanted. One thing that stood out for me.
There had to be an exchange.
We go through life wanting to carry a lot with us. Past experiences, beliefs, people and possessions. This leads us to think that we don't really have to let go of anything and that we can collect as much as we can as we go through life. This is not true. We cannot pick anything with our hands full. There has to be an exchange.
The exchange can be as painful as letting go of a life you thought you had to live, a job that you had identified yourself with, people you thought would always be in your life or a life that you thought you deserved. It could be as simple as doing small acts that make it easier for you to go through a tough phase.
The exchange may require you to let people in and some of us struggle with the realization that we don't have to do it all by ourselves. For some of us, we're going to have to let go of our limiting beliefs and excuses that we have bought into.
In order to pick, we have to let go of something
My journey to health has been one area where I needed to let go. I struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food for a long time. I don't think I ever linked it to my thoughts and what was going on inside to my eating habits. Whenever something didn't go my way or when I felt that I was not in control, I would fill that lack and void inside with food. A temporary fix which led me to the same spot over and over again. I was unhappy which made me view myself as unworthy of enjoying a body that I thought I wanted.
I'm so glad that I was able to see how my limiting beliefs about the life I deserved and what I was capable of doing changed. I'm so happy with how far I have come when it comes to intuitive eating, making some lifestyle changes, learning how my body works and moving my body more.
I had to give up talking down on myself. I had to let go of my fear of not getting results when I thought I should have been seeing them. I had to let go of what everyone else was telling me to focus on. I had to let go of everything that was not in my control (anything outside of me).
The results have been beautiful. My mind is at peace. I am growing fearless. I am living on my terms and information no longer scares me but empowers me. I am the most disciplined I have ever been. By working on my physical health, I am able to apply these same principles of consistency, discipline, grace, focus and moderation to other areas of my life. I have seen that I observe more than I absorb, I take stock of what I have been able to do, I judge myself less and I don't feel as much pressure to be doing what everyone else is.
It isn't easy and it's a process.
I had to accept that I will have to work on my health and wellness for as long as I am alive. I had to battle with the need for a quick fix as if I had not been living life wrong for over 20 years. I had to let go of what people expected me to do and figure out what Tracy really wanted. I wanted to feel light and free and one of the ingredients to freedom is discipline. So every day, I make a renewed commitment to Tracy and remind her why we deserve health and why all my focus should be on working on me.
Time
"So how long will it take?"
How long will it take for us to heal our relationships with others? How long will it take for me to graduate? How long will it take for me to find someone for me? How long will it take to get my dream job? How long will it take to heal my body? How long will it take for me to heal my mind? How long will it take for me to stop being a victim? How long will it take for me to get my life in order?
All valid questions.
I have asked myself this question in so many areas of my life. One of the harshest things I have had to learn is that I have the answer.
Time is an important measure as it keeps us on our toes and helps us plan how to execute the things that are working on. However, if we are going to train the mind to think that a certain period of time is too much to work on something, then we're going to really fight with time.
Time is not running out. We don't have limited time. I know I'll get resistance from advocates of life is short but really what is a short period of time? I will argue that life is long if you have limited resources, are unhealthy or are constantly stressed.
It would be sad to quit on yourself because you have spent three years without the results you thought you would get.
Take a look at the time you have given others. The chances you have given others. The years you have given to your employer. Why is it that you are only willing to give three months to work on your health and are quick to quit.
I'll use another personal example.
I've always met the targets set for me in school in good time and I used that measure to project how long it would take for me to get a job. I had this whole plan of how long it would take for me to grow my career and how I would be able to buy the things I needed to furnish my house and start saving and investing. When my calculations didn't match what was happening, I went into panic mode. I stopped being grateful and would see only what I did not have. In my mind, I was running out of time. I felt that I was taking the wrong route. People I graduated with were getting jobs and making career advancements and it set me on a race that I lost before I started.
Somehow, all I could see in my life was the areas I lacked. I became unkind to myself and the more rejection I got, the harder it got to pick myself up. I would send my resume telling myself no one would read it and when they did and responded I told myself they wouldn't hire me. I may have thought that no one would notice the scepticism and lack but I'm sure they saw it. Then when I got rejected, I would tell myself that I saw it coming and convinced myself that I should stop trying.
I struggled in other areas of my life and my friendships struggled. I saw my lack of commitment when it came to things I set out to do and the things that I didn't have. All these things being highlighted were in line with the scarcity mindset I had adopted.
I was no longer clear on what it is I had going for me at the time and how much love and life was in my presence.
Prior to this, I had not challenged myself to do anything outside of making sure I passed my exams. This was one of the tests that took me by surprise and looking back, I see how important it was for me to go through this challenging phase.
A shift
I decided to do one thing for myself in 2019. I was to work on something once a week and this is how Wellness with Sabali came about. I decided to read on wellness issues that I felt spoke to me and share the best way I could. I set my podcast space up and started posting as regularly as I could. I maximised on my good days and tried hard not to be harsh on my bad days. My family at Carbon Shades encouraged me to work on a few songs and this helped me work on my songwriting skills. I would also like to thank my mentor who held my hand through my work on my career and gave me legal work I could get involved in that was in line with what I have always wanted to do-human rights protection with a focus on access to justice for those who need it the most.
At the end of the year. I had met every single thing I had set out to do that year in terms of setting a foundation for Wellness with Sabali. It turns out that I wasn't running out of time. All I had to do was focus on the things that were within my control and that was a whole lot. Through this space, I have got so much support, I've learnt a lot about myself and people have reached out to me to share how much they appreciate what it is I am doing and I feel truly blessed.
How we treat time really does count. When we see time as something limited, guess what? We'll see how much of it we don't have. Where attention goes, energy flows and power grows. So take charge of your idea on time. It's never wasted time if we get to learn more about ourselves, even the dark parts to us.
You are not running out of time
So what if it takes 5 years for you to work on building healthier boundaries? You've spent so many years without boundaries or with unhealthy boundaries. What is 5 years if it means we will now enjoy healthier connections with others.
So what if it takes years to work on your physical health? You've been living unhealthily for 10+ years but want results in 2 months? How sustainable is that?
So what if it takes you years to graduate? You have given years to your studies, you have learnt so much but want to give up when you are so close to the finish line?
So what if you have sent 300 resumes in the past two months? It doesn't take away from the fact that you are qualified and that something for you will come along.
Focus on what you can do now as you wait for what you deserve. You have to put in the work though. Motion creates luck and opportunity. If you can take 15 minutes to do some exercises 3 times a week, do you know how much you'll have put in at the end of the month? A lot.
If you can take 20 minutes to sit with your family and work on open communication and encourage them to share about their day, guess who'll get to enjoy a more fulfiling life? You!
If you can work on one research paper a month, guess how many you'll have on your resume at the end of the year? 12!
If you can work on learning a skill that will help you earn in the next 3 years and give it 2 hours of your undivided attention in a week, guess who will be earning some extra cash in 3 years? YOU!
The process
We'll look at this in a separate post but this is where the magic happens. When the focus is only on the results we miss out on the small wins that get us to the big win. The numbers may look too big and discourage us from going at it.
I'll end this post with a challenge because you are here to see whether there is power in challenging self.
Take one thing that you will give one hour of your time once a week for the rest of 2020. It could be reading a book, writing a book, doing some research, caring for your hair, working on a skill, sitting in silence, resting, listening to an empowering video on YouTube each week, making a healthy meal, spending time with people you love, journaling or taking a walk. It could be that during that day in the week you will replace a glass of soda with a glass of water. It could be that you will take that one day break from smoking or that one day from watching the news.
Whatever it is you decide on and make sure that you do it once every week for the rest of the year. In 2 months, you will feel the difference.
Chances are you will find more extra time to do what it is you set out to do and you will have improved each week or you may find yourself applying the skills you get from commitment and consistency to other areas of your life. Chances are you will have better rest and will see the good there is in life. It's a great feeling! The boost in energy, the boost in your self-esteem. To see that you have been able to do in 2 months is so rewarding.
I don't want you to take my word for it because this is your personal challenge. if you are really up to it, you can start as early as this month and by end of October 2020, hit me up on sabaliwanjiku@gmail.com and tell me how it feels.
I can't wait for the inspiring messages!
There is power in challenging ourselves. We get encouraged because a lot of our discouragement comes from the things we say we will do and quit along the way or even before we start. It communicates that we are not capable of honouring ourselves which further brings us down.
Challenges equip us with the tools we need so that when life hits us with a challenge, we have experience on how to tap into our discipline, commitment and how to be gentle on ourselves because we know that the challenge will pass but the lessons we get from each challenge are beneficial to us.
We have to give so as to get and if we are not willing to give anything then we are doing more harm to ourselves by desiring things that require us to give as a prerequisite. With this challenge, we are giving time and receiving whatever it is we have set out to get.
Here's to challenging self!
Love, Sabali
Enjoy my cover to Redemption Song
Ready for the challenge!